So, once again I have fallen behind on posting new things and I am terribly sorry. Lately I have had a difficult time keeping up with myself but that doesn't mean that I haven't had many great ideas and stories running through my mind. Yesterday, I was on my way to a follow up visit with my doctor and had a while before I needed to be there so I took the scenic route. It was a beautiful fall day, the colors were amazing and inspiration was all around me! As I slowed down for a deer crossing the road, I noticed a whole field full of turkeys, there had to be at least 30 or 40. I love the fact that when you slow down enough, God shows you things that you might have missed going fast!
Our journey to the ends of the earth has caused us to slow down quite a bit and we are learning so much about timing and patience. After our rejection letter from the first sending organization sent us back a few steps, we were hurt and confused about what to do next. Once again God showed us that He is in control of this journey. We received an email from a representative at a different organization, she wanted to make sure we were doing ok and if we were still interested in applying with them. We had a conference call and talked with her about the next steps and the process we needed to go through. We completed the application and waited for an answer, sure that it was probably going to be the same as the first one because of the fact that Doyle has a past that involves three divorces. The answer was not a no, they wanted Doyle to write about each divorce and where it went wrong, what he could have done differently, and where he was in his walk with God during all three marriages. This took a while and I had to watch my husband relive parts of his life that he never wanted to visit again! I could tell this was not at all easy for him to do but he completed it and sent it in. Then we waited...and it still wasn't a no! Then it was my turn, they did the math between our marriage date and the date that Abby was born. They wanted to verify that the dates were correct and that there wasn't a 5 month pregnancy so I sent the email. I explained that I was 3 months pregnant when Doyle and I were married. I also explained that this wasn't the reason we got married because I felt that would be the first thought when they got my answer. I don't agree with premarital sex but I wasn't the same person that I am now. I will tell you this, I explained in the email that I would not apologize for my daughters life, she is a blessing to us and I know for a fact that she was not a mistake. I showed the response to Doyle and told him that I was sorry if this is what makes them tell us no but I was not going to apologize for a life. Thankfully, God have me a husband who sees things in the same way and he agreed and we sent the email. It still wasn't a no! After an hour long conference call, we are now going through the psychological evaluation process.
The evaluation has questions like: Describe your dad. How did you feel about him growing up? How do you feel about him now? How is he involved in your life? Describe your parents' marriage. Did they live together? Were you raised by both of them? Who nurtured you and how was that demonstrated? What did they model? Difficult questions on my end and Doyle has it easy on this one! I honestly hope that my upbringing doesn't cause the answer to be a no! We have come so far and answered so many questions to end with the fact that I was raised in a single parent home with an abusive father who chose drugs and alcohol over his wife and daughters.
Yesterday, when I was thinking about all of these questions during my drive I thought about a rock in a stream. The fact that this rock starts out jagged with sharp edges and over time all the passing waters smooth it out and the sharp edges disappear. It's just like us, we start out flawed and rough and God places different people and situations in our lives to smooth us out and make us beautiful. It's our choice to change for the good or to remain in the bad situations we are sometimes caught in. I made mistakes, Doyle made mistakes but that doesn't mean we didn't learn from them and grow closer to our creator. One thing we have both had to learn is the fact that our God sent His one and only Son to die a cruel death on a cross for our sins so that we may be forgiven and have a promise of eternal life in Heaven; and man has a difficult time with forgiving us of our sins and bad choices of our pasts. Your choices now and in your past, even when you think you have grown past them all, have their consequences at some point in your life. Take every situation to God in prayer, He will give you the desires of your heart!!!
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." John 3:16-17
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
God is sending us on this journey to the ends of the earth and I am happy to share our experiences with you all. I pray that some way, some how, this blog helps you or someone you know. If you have questions please feel free to comment or email me.
In His Name,
><>K<><
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