I have always been one to let my mind wonder, usually at times I shouldn't, but that's just how I am. Lately, my mind is focused on our last trip halfway around the world. I know for certain that I left more of myself there this time than on our first trip. I continually play those eight days over and over in my head and find myself missing it badly. I never imagined that I would say something like that about a place so far from my comfort zone but God has changed my heart and life forever. Although, five days into our last trip I was ready to throw in the towel and never return! I guess I should explain the reason I am saying this. On this trip, we visited a new city and with that came another step in our journey.
We took the slow train, very unlike the bullet train we enjoy so much. It was during this train ride that our trusted "tour guide" informed us that he would be leaving us the following morning to take care of a few things in a different city but that someone else we knew would come and stay with us. He reminded us that we had a cell phone if we needed him or anyone else and to remember to always be flexible. He also let us know that we would be meeting and working with a new friend and he would take us wherever we needed to be for the next two days. We arrived to trash filled streets full of people who did not appear to be as friendly as the people in the other two cities we visited. Immediately I felt uncomfortable here but continued on the ten minute walk to our hotel. A midst these trash filled streets was a huge city full of people who needed to hear about Jesus and all I could think about was the conversation we had just had on the train. I would be telling a huge lie if I said I did not panic in any way! We had dinner just the three of us then went back to the hotel for the night to get some rest. Not sure that there was much resting on my part but I tried. The next morning came quickly and we met for breakfast, which happened to be one of the better Western type meals we had since being there. However, I wasn't thinking about food...I was trying to figure out an escape plan! I knew we could find our way back to the train station and somehow communicate that we needed tickets back to our previous city. The city where I felt comfortable and not absolutely terrified! I kept my cool though, we said good bye to our "tour guide" and returned to our room to await our lunch meeting. I laid across the bed and busied myself with messaging a couple of my friends, trying to remain calm about the day ahead. Doyle asked if I wanted to walk down the street to Starbucks and that's when I lost it. I couldn't hold back the tears as I answered...no I did not want to go get coffee, I didn't want to leave the hotel, it was the only place I felt a little safe! The only way I wanted to leave the room is if we were going to go find the train station or get a taxi! I was ready to give it all up, I was convinced that this was NOT what God had in mind when He sent us here. I remember thinking, "I can't do this...it's too hard and I am scared to death...I really DO NOT want to be here! Maybe this isn't what I want to do anymore, I don't think I want continue this journey...honestly I want to go home!" I wonder if sometimes if God just shakes his head at us when we try to convince ourselves that what he has sent us to do isn't really what he wants us to do. Wonder if it's like...Kay Kay Kay Kay Kay, why must we go through this again? I know what I'm doing...after all, I am God! You would think that eventually I would get that and I am...just a little slower than I would like to admit! So anyway, Doyle reassured me that we were OK and getting out would be a good thing. We walked around the mall for a while and returned to find our lunch date waiting in the lobby.We left the hotel and met a group for lunch, they were very sweet and listened to our stories and asked questions. In the end, we gained one new sister in Christ and my thought process began to change. Later that evening we met another group for dinner and shared stories and answered lots of questions, again more believers. The next day went the same except the fact that Doyle and I had to split up. He went to one end of town and met a huge group of people and I returned to where we had dinner the night before and met a group. Now for those of you who know me you realize that this is not a situation I would find myself excited to be in but it was unbelievable how God was working through us being there. In the end, all who attended both of those meals became believers. Needless to say, we both slept well that night!
"Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will uphold you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
The next morning we had breakfast at the hotel, our last day in this city and our friend came to take us to visit an orphanage across town. We stopped at a small store across the street from the entrance gate to the orphanage and bought two huge bags of candy. Once inside we met such precious little people and their sweet caretakers. My heart was broken looking into there eyes and wondering what the future held for them. It was amazing to see how these children lit up over a tasteless piece of candy that my own nine year old turned her nose up to when I let her try a piece. We are so Blessed here in America and don't even realize it. In one of the houses, a small girl who looked to be around two came running up to me holding her arms high wanting me to pick her up. As I picked her up she studied my face for a few minutes then noticed the ties for the hood on my jacket and began playing with them. I took one and rubbed her cheek like I used to with Abby and she smiled the biggest smile possible. If I could have brought her home with me I would have, she definitely stole my heart. I see that little face each and every day and I pray that she finds the surgical help she needs and a forever home where she is loved unconditionally. I hated to walk out those doors knowing that most of those precious children would remain there until around the age of fourteen and then some of them will end up begging on the streets for the rest of their lives.
After our very emotional and eye opening experience at the orphanage, we headed out for our last lunch meeting in the new city. Once again, God showed up and made His presence known and all prayed to believe! In all, twenty-three people became our new brothers and sisters in Christ in this city that I wanted so badly to leave. Just think, if I had given in to my fears and convinced Doyle to leave that first day, those twenty-three people may never have known the love of God. Fear is a disease that cripples anyone who gives into it. God did not send me that far to lose myself in my fear of the unknown. He already knew the great things that would happen when we got there; He just needed my hands, my feet, my heart, and my voice to share His love with these special people.
I pray that fear isn't holding you captive today, please do not let it steal your life. Let God use you and know that He is always with you and will give you the strength you lack. "Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak into the light; and what you hear in your ear, preach on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." Matthew 10:27-31 Do something that scares you and takes you our of your comfort zone today....tell someone about Jesus! Be Blessed and Shine!
Love to all,
Kay
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