God's Timing

Yesterday was difficult for me in more ways than one and I spent the majority of my day holding back tears. My journey, actually...our journey, began almost two years ago when my husband, Doyle, came to me and said we needed to talk but only after our daughter had gone to bed. Immediately, my mind raced into the thoughts of what he could possibly need to tell me that was so bad he couldn't say it in front of our daughter. I began to think the worst, that he had found someone else and has decided to leave us behind for a new life. I grew up in a broken home and have always told myself our daughter would not know the pain of that life. Was this going to be the day it all fell apart? I drove him crazy, begging him to just tell me what it was, that I could handle it no matter how bad it was gonna be. Of course, at that moment he realized what he had sent me into and reassured me that it was NOT what I had let my mind convince me it was going to be! That man knows me all too well!!!! So, finally we sat down to have our little talk and the first thing from his mouth was, "I am going to ask you a question and I want the first answer that pops into your head, do not tell me what you think I want to hear!". Once again, he knows me too well! So he asks me if I feel that God is calling me to do something, is there an area that we are failing at? Immediately I answer, "we aren't telling people about Him and we need to go and tell them" Tears poured from his eyes as he explained all the things God had been revealing to him and shared his heart with me. We both knew that prayer was first and foremost before we told anyone about it. We prayed as a family and separately for God to show us where and what exactly He was leading us to. This was also during a time that our church puts on a life changing drama about the ways the devil lies to us and causes us to turn from what we know is right to keep us from turning to God. After the final performance, we set aside a Sunday dedicated to the cast and crew, and to pray for those who accepted Christ during drama. It was this Sunday that God would call us out! The message was about being "All In", something we were not even close to at this point. After the message when it was time to pray, I don't even remember walking to the stage but I soon found myself on my face before God pouring out my heart and surrendering to being all in for Him! There were several people around me but I soon realized that Doyle had joined my side and right then and there we both told God, here I am, send me, no matter what we have to surrender we are willing to give it up and go for you. Thus began our journey to the ends of the earth.
You have to understand that both of us are "stuff" people...Doyle more so than me but none the less we have way more than we will ever really need in this lifetime! Both of us began to read Radical by David Platt and he opened our eyes to a whole new perspective on our need for stuff. This was a hard lesson to swallow and I would be lying if I said we didn't fall back into those bad habits once in a while but it has gotten much better. We have learned to pray about everything and to ask if it is something that we need and how can God use us through it. We have all three developed a heart for the lost and know where God wants to send us and use us to further His Kingdom. It is amazing to love a group of people you don't even know that are half a world away. To give up the comforts of your daily life to go and tell these people about a God who loves them, a God who isn't out to punish them or hurt them because they don't bring offerings or do certain rituals. I can't wait to share with them all the things that God has shown me about His love and promises for us all.
There's a lot more about our story and I intend to be absolutely transparent with you about what God brought us out of to send us out for His good and not for our worldly gain. But, I'm sure you are wondering why I started this out so broken hearted. Doyle and I had been planning our return trip to the city God is leading us to in March. We took a step of faith and let our friends there know that we would be coming so that our dates could be locked in and the arrangements could be made. We knew we would have our income taxes to pay for the plane tickets at least and the rest we prayed that God would provide. Our taxes have been delayed and will probably get here two weeks before we are set to leave and so far our funding is pretty low. Yesterday, I was crushed at the thought of not getting to go, not getting to share and the thought of how many people we might have had contact with could die to an eternal hell. It was difficult to hold back tears on my 13 hour hospital shift knowing that we might not go. I let Satan take hold of my thought process and drag me down to where I doubted that God even wanted us to go and doubted that it mattered to anyone other than Doyle and myself that these people are lost and dying. That's when we got an email from our friends letting us know that it's OK if we can't come in March, that if we need to wait then we could come in May. At the end of this email they wrote, "we know the Fathers  timing is perfect".  It was like a great big slap in the face! Of course His timing is perfect, it isn't mine and we already agreed to give Him complete control so why was I running around acting like a baby! I broke down on my drive home and apologized for my reaction and let it go! This morning I pulled up the airline tracker Doyle and I have been using and the flights for March are $800 cheaper. Once again, God's timing is perfect, after all, it was never our time to begin with! I want to close today with this verse, Romans 8:28 says: And we all know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to His purpose.   Be blessed today and everyday knowing that you have a Heavenly Father who delights and sings over you with an amazing love!  -K